Terrifying Blessings

As the air begins to change and hold the crisp scents of autumn mixed with musky pine and wafts of smoke, I find myself growing hungry for tradition. I am naturally a sentimental person, but my memories of the season are especially laced with emotion. Without prompting, I remember the delicious anticipation of Thanksgiving - the buzzing kitchen and clinking silverware. I remember spending the Friday afterwards transforming our house into a Christmas wonderland. Dozens of boxes hauled up from the basement were opened to reveal angels, wise men, holly, and Santas, each holding years of memories in their figures. Thinking about the countless memories I have of Thanksgivings and Christmases past makes me wonder what memories Isaiah will form. Last year he was only 11 months old at Christmastime, but I hoped that the excitement and beauty of the season would leave an abstract impression on him that would carry through the years. This year, I am even more eager to solidify family traditions so that next year he might vaguely recognize them. I found family devotionals to do during Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I hope it will be fun for Isaiah to learn about baby Jesus being born as we talk about his little sibling being born soon too. I also hope that looking at pictures from last year will help him anticipate the traditions we will repeat again this year.


This week I have been marveling at how well I know my little boy. This came as a revelation to me because he has begun really stringing his words into more phrases and sentences, and Michael and I are the only ones who can correctly interpret them. (Well, at least we are right as often as we are wrong.)

Some of the things that only Michael and I know are that when a word starts with the letter 's' and is followed by another consonant, Isaiah will put the 's' and the end of the word. So "sticker" becomes "tickers" and "snuggle" becomes "nuggles" (not to be confused with "muggles" who are non-magical people from the world of Harry Potter.) We also know that Isaiah doesn't like to have a blanket covering his knees on down while he is sleeping or falling asleep. We have to be certain to dress him in fuzzy footed jammies because even when he is in a deep sleep, if we pull a blanket over his legs he will reach down a pull it back off or kick in a frustrated manner until we remove it. One of the most important things only we know about Isaiah is that when he is tired but fighting the urge to sleep, there is a spot on the inside of his ear, right near the entrance to his ear canal that we can gently rub with our fingers and it puts him to sleep like magic. It's so cute to see his blue eyes roll closed and to hear his breath become deep and even within seconds of touching that magic ear spot. It makes me feel like a really good mom to know my little boy so intimately.


Finally, I have to talk about our catastrophic event that happened this past Friday. Isaiah and I were in a pretty major car crash. Our car was completely smashed in the front and totaled, but everyone in both vehicles is alright. Isaiah bit his tongue and was very scared when it happened, and I was just as frightened to hear him crying so loudly. He recovered within minutes, though, and didn't have any lasting pain. I was also just fine, and I was thankful the airbag didn't deploy because it would have hit my stomach. Just to be safe, Michael and I went to the hospital that evening to check on the baby and make sure everything was alright. We had two ultrasounds done, and saw that our baby was happy and healthy. We also learned that we are going to have a little girl! Seeing our daughter kick and hiccup inside me was an amazing miracle at the end of a pretty harrowing day. We came home to Isaiah and told him he was having a sister, which he happily repeated, but didn't really understand. The brief scare of either of our children being seriously injured followed by the relief that they were both alright reminded Michael and I of how precious our family is and how blessed we are.

"Um-nums"

This past Wednesday was our first Halloween in our new home and neighborhood. Isaiah dressed up as a lion and stayed in costume - and in character - all day. He really liked the attention he received from everyone for being all dressed up, and he happily demonstrated his roar to anyone who asked. In the evening, we went trick-or-treating to the houses up and down our street. (The houses that had their lights on, that is.) We found out that our street is sort of lame on Halloween night; at least half of the homes had no lights on, so we just skipped them. Isaiah didn't need a pillowcase full of candy anyway, and he had fun. Luckily he's too young to know he got royally ripped off. Next year we will either go up to Buffalo again or to an organized event like the Mall of America's trick-or-treating night. The neighbors we met were very nice, and Isaiah also had the bonus of meeting several neighborhood dogs. He got to eat a package of M&M's after we finished the rounds, and then he helped pass out candy to other kids.

The M&M's were obviously his favorite part of the whole night, and he still tries to sneakily get more whenever he can. Luckily he's not really that sneaky. When we were eating dinner tonight, Michael was feeding him a spoonful of corn. Isaiah paused before he accepted it and casually suggested that Michael substitute "um-nums." Sorry buddy, better luck next time. M&M's have also found their way into the stories we read throughout the day. I was curious to see what would happen if I let Isaiah read a book to me instead of the other way around a few days ago. He opened the first page and identified the animal.
"Cow...MOOOOO!" Then the next page,
"Baa baa sheep!" Then the next page
"Um-Nums!" Nice try, but it was a dancing pig.

His imagination is astounding to me. I love learning what he is thinking about, and I'm realizing that his world is way more fun than mine. His toy trains don't just run around and say "choo-choo;" they get tired and take naps. His stuffed animals are acquiring names and all the coasters in our house have magically become cookies (or pancakes, depending on what Isaiah says they are.) Yesterday before Isaiah's nap, we were reading The Very Busy Spider. On the first page is a horse, and when I asked Isaiah to tell me what the horse said, he obediently answered "neigh neigh." When I turned the page, though, and asked Isaiah what the cow said, he paused thoughtfully. Finally he answered,
"Grass, yum yum!" and then pretended to chew some cud.

Wow! Where did that even come from? It was so cool to know that this little boy who had this whole amazing world inside his head was my own. It's so much fun to be Isaiah's mom. He still astounds and enthralls me just as much as he did when he was brand new.

Hopes, Dreams, and Nightmares

So I haven't posted in nearly five months, but tonight I was lying awake in bed and I realized that I needed to write down what was happening and what I was thinking if I were to get any sleep. (Also, I had to get up and pee since I'm 16 weeks pregnant now.)

Isaiah, Michael and I have had such fun these past few weeks - even more fun than our normal weeks, which aren't half bad either. We have gone to an apple orchard, visited with friends every weekend, and just yesterday we raked up a giant pile of leaves in our backyard and jumped in them. Okay, Isaiah jumped in them and Michael and I took pictures. Isaiah is repeating everything I say, which makes me glad I don't swear, since my phrases have come out of his little mouth at rather interesting times. Today after Isaiah woke up from his nap, I wanted him to come downstairs with me so I could fold laundry while we played. He was pretty cooperative and happy to come down as long as he could bring his cow flashlight, which happens to be a favorite toy of the moment. Once he got to the top step, though, he decided that was a fine enough place to play with the cow and he didn't need to come down any more steps. So, as a means of persuading him, I took the cow and hopped him down four of five steps so that Isaiah would follow. To my surprise, though, instead of going after that cow, Isaiah just looked at me and emphatically said "No touch." This is the phrase Michael and I use for things like stove knobs, hot irons, and delicate electronics. I guess he really understands the meaning. Since he almost always complies when we tell him an item is a 'no touch' I figured I should show him the same respect and kept my hands off. Another thing he loves to repeat is "YES!" He even does the little arm movement - like a 'kaching' sort of fist into the air. He will run from room to room shouting "Yes!" for no particular reason. He also says it when he gets a snack he really likes and when he poops on the potty.

We've been practicing saying "trick-or-treat" for Halloween tomorrow. Isaiah will be going as a lion, so he already has the sound effects down. I figured since he likes to repeat me "trick-or-treat" would also catch on pretty well. However, when he knocks on a door, he prefers to ask if anyone is home, so that's probably what will end up happening. If I do get him to repeat after me he usually just says "Treat treat!" I guess he doesn't want to leave the option open for something other than a treat to go into his bag. It makes sense when you think about it.

With all the extra fun happening and the daily doses of joy Isaiah is giving me, I often end the day thinking that life is pretty close to perfect right now. I love that I am able to spend so much time with Isaiah, and he has gotten very good at playing by himself when I need to do chores. He usually prefers to help me with them if he can. His idea of help is pretty adorable, but it's slightly less helpful than one might imagine. He's particularly good at unfolding clothing and hiding socks, but he also likes to cook. It's fine as long as he doesn't get his hands on any real ingredients. He usually makes soup, which he and I will taste test for seemingly hours until he knows he has it just right. He brings the bowl to me and holds it up for me to slurp, "Mmmm" I say and hand it back for him to slurp. This goes on until he has shaken enough salt (a wooden block) into the bowl and then tastes it and nods, "Mmm hmm."

I'm worried that I will miss out on these things when our new baby comes along. I vividly remember sitting with Isaiah in the rocker when he was only a week old. I was nursing him again before I had even buttoned up my shirt from the previous nursing and thinking that it would be nearly impossible to do this with a toddler running around needing my attention. Now that I am months away from that reality, my opinion hasn't changed much. I honestly don't know how I will do it. I understand that Isaiah will simply have to share me more than he does now, but I don't really want that any more than he does. I love to give him all my attention - to play with him all morning until we snuggle together for his nap. I also want to be able to drink in my new little baby the way I could when Isaiah was born. I would hold him for hours and just watch him as he slept and breathed so sweetly in my arms. But how will I do that with this baby? I'm worried I will break Isaiah's little heart when he sees me holding his little brother or sister and not being able to hold him too. I'm also worried it will break my heart.

I honestly am so, so excited for this baby to come, but I feel like the Grinch right now - my heart needs to grow a couple sizes in order for this to work. I remember that it had to do the same thing when Isaiah was born and I discovered that to love Isaiah fully, I didn't need to love Michael any less. I just hope and pray there is more growing room for my heart. My prayers for Isaiah are that he will have patience and understanding with this baby and with me as I learn. Truthfully, I'm slightly terrified, but I know that I will probably stumble through it, just as I have with Isaiah.

Goodbye baby

Oh how I've missed my baby boy! True, I have been spending the majority of my hours every day with him just like always, but for the past three weeks, I haven't been able to devote as much of my energy and attention to him alone. As a result, I feel as though I've been away from him and I need to spend extra time with him now to get reacquainted.

The past three weeks have been full of craziness, especially compared to our regular little schedule of playing together at home or the park most days. We've had four doctors' appointments three wedding and/or baby showers, a retirement party and no less than 14 visits to the VA hospital to see my grandpa who had surgery there. My mom and grandma were also in town for a week to be with my grandpa, so of course I had to share Isaiah with them, which I was happy to do. I'm so proud of how well Isaiah has done with all of the abnormalities in our schedules. He has been a bright spot for everyone during the hospital visits, stoically endured the cold and fever that came as a result of his recent shots, comforted me when I became overwhelmed, and made it through the majority of days on a single nap.

Now that we have some time to spend together again, I've noticed that he has matured so much in the last three weeks. He does fun new things now like saying even more animal sounds and FINALLY saying "momma." More so than that, though, he's becoming less of a baby and more of a little boy in ways I can't explain. Last night after he had fallen asleep, I crept into the room and laid down next to him just to look at his face, and there he was - my little grown up boy. I could almost see his adult face, and I could tangibly feel that we had really begun the journey where he leaves me behind along with the other trappings of babyhood. I know, though, that the journey, despite the bumps along the way, will be sweet, and that I am privileged to be able to watch him grow and change and become a man whose mother I am already proud to be.

Sweet Parenting Dreams

Tonight Michael and Isaiah and I had an incredibly fun time playing before we put the little guy to bed. We were all playing in our room after Isaiah had taken his bath, and I was chasing him around on the beds and tickling him. Then in the crevice between our bed and Isaiah's, I found the "Wild Animals" book, which had been missing for a few weeks. Since I was supposed to be calming Isaiah down for bed instead of winding him up, I decided to read it to him. I was absolutely floored to discover Isaiah knew almost all of the animal sounds in the book. It turns out he had been listening to me the entire time and quietly remembering how to make each animal sound. He even did the same motions I did when I read the book. He pretended to be galloping when I pointed to the zebra; he stuck his arm out like a trunk for the elephant; he wiggled his hand like a swimming fish; he even opened his mouth big and wide for the hippo and pretended to eat my arm. It was pretty darn cute. He made monkey hoots and lion roars and tiger growls and crocodile hisses and giraffe chomping sounds and rhino snorts. I am so proud of him.

Then because I was so impressed by his knowledge of the animal kingdom, I decided to have him point to things to see what he remembered. He got his head and his ears, which I already knew he could point to, but then he pointed to his nose when I asked, which he had never done before. Then he proceeded to point to his feet when I asked, and then his daddy and then his mommy and then his tummy, and then his mouth. Then I asked him to give his mommy a kiss, AND HE KISSED ME! He did it for Michael, too, when I asked him to kiss his daddy. We both got such a rush from our little boy kissing us so sweetly that we made him kiss us three more times before we just began playing again. We ended the night by tumbling around on the bed pretending to be horses and then turning out the big light and just having the camping lantern on, which fascinated Isaiah to no end. Then we turned that light off as well and snuggled together as Isaiah nursed to sleep.

I kept thinking that this night was the kind of night parenting dreams are made of. The sweet moments of Isaiah's snuggles and the beautiful sound of his laughter seem almost delicate as a memory. I don't want to alter nights like this in my mind or let the vividness diminish. I just want to preserve these times perfectly because I know that for years I will think back to tonight and feel content remembering how very right the world felt when Isaiah drifted off to sleep in my arms and Michael breathed steadily beside me.

I am so blessed to have Michael - the perfect husband and father for our family. I was reminded the other day of how wonderfully we fit together. I have gotten into the habit of making mildly amusing/highly annoying noises throughout the day in order to entertain Isaiah. The problem is that when I'm around other adults, I sometimes forget to stop it. So it was one afternoon that as I was putting on Isaiah's pants, I was humming "My Ragtime Gal" to him. Actually, I wasn't humming it. I was singing it by way of making annoying nasally "waa waa" sounds at the top of my lungs. I "waa waaed" my way through the first verse when I realized the Michael, who was in the next room, must be so annoyed with me he was on the verge of tearing off his own ears. So I stopped singing. But then, I heard Michael pick up where I left in the song in the same nasally "waa waas" without a trace of annoyance in his voice. It made me feel really good to know I have a husband as dorky as me. It's as if we were made for one another.

Of course, that means Isaiah doesn't have a snowman's chance in hell of being anything other than dorky like his parents. That's alright with me too, though. In my opinion, if you aren't at least a little dorky in some area of your life, you're probably kind of boring.

Atomic Fireboy

This has been yet another adventuresome week with Isaiah. He has learned a few new words, his favorite of which is "shoe." Every morning the highlight is putting on his shoes.

"Isaiah, we have to put on your shoes." "Shoe!" "That's right, your shoes" "Shoe!" "Yep, now what goes on your little foot?" "Shoe! Shoe! Shoe!"

He also likes it when I put on my shoes or let him play with my shoes or when I say "sure" because he thinks I'm talking about shoes. I didn't realize my love of shoes would rub off quite so quickly. At least I have a very happy shoe-shopping partner, though.

He has also begun to really get into brushing his teeth. Every night when it's tooth brushing time, Michael and I sing the Raffi song about brushing teeth that goes,
"When you wake up in the morning, it's a quarter to one/and you want to have a little fun/you brush your teeth/ Ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch...."
Now whenever we get out the toothbrush and toothpaste, Isaiah pretends to brush his teeth with his finger and makes the "ch ch ch ch" sound. The other day, he got a hold of my hairbrush and did the same thing.

We went to the Mall of America the other day and I bought a dress at American Eagle. Little did I know they sometimes give you candy when you buy clothing there. Maybe it was my prize for having a really cute kid or something. Whatever the case, the saleslady put a little box of jawbreakers and two little boxes of Atomic Fireballs (basically red-hot cinnamon flavored jawbreakers) into my bag when I wasn't really paying attention, so I didn't even know they were there. Later, though, I was browsing at a booth in the middle of the mall, and Isaiah was bored, so I let him play with the American Eagle bag. After a minute, I heard a rattle and saw little red balls rolling across the floor. I turned to Isaiah and saw that his mouth was stuffed with no less then five Atomic Choking Hazards...I mean Fireballs. So I had to go digging in his mouth to get them all out before he inhaled them. I fished around until I felt satisfied that I had gotten every last one and then threw the candies away and chalked it up to a novice mom moment. Fifteen minutes later, though, Isaiah spits out a tiny, sucked down Atomic Fireball that he had been happily sucking on the entire time. He must have grown some kind of secret pouch in his cute chipmunk cheeks that he hid it in. You win this time, Isaiah, but next time I'm packing a dentist mirror.

Fun Shui and other stories

It has been so very long since I last posted. Once I got out of the habit of posting, it became much more difficult to get back into it because I knew I would not be able to write about everything Isaiah had done. Well, now it's been almost two months since I have given updates, and of course I will not be able to write about everything adorable; I probably won't even be able to remember everything that has happened since March 1st. I can certainly, however, give some highlights of what Isaiah has been up to.

Shortly after I last posted, Isaiah began practicing his own unique form of feng shui. He loved rearranging the kitchen chairs all around the dining room. It didn't take long to realize this was more than a game to him. If I moved a chair back to what I thought was it's correct place (next to the table,) Isaiah would move it back exactly where he had put it. In front of the baby gate, perhaps, or behind the couch. I finally stopped putting the chairs back unless we were actually sitting down for dinner because I knew they would only be scooted across the floor again moments later by my little feng shui guru.

Isaiah has also begun to say a few words. He says "uh-oh," "baby," "wow," "hi," "boo," and "meow," which was his very first word. He began saying "meow" when we would read his kitty cat book, but he quickly expanded to saying "meow" any time he saw any animal that looked remotely like a cat. Dogs, bunnies, squirrels, birds, and sometimes other babies all received enthusiastic "meows." I also happen to believe Isaiah says "mama," but Michael thinks he's just babbling. We have agreed to disagree and move on.

Isaiah has also gained a lot of confidence walking and wants to walk everywhere, all the time. He also thinks he's so good at walking that he can walk backwards (which he does quite frequently while giggling because he's so pleased with himself) or sideways while looking behind him instead of where he's headed (which he also does while giggling until he invariably trips.)

Also during the absence of my blogging, my parents and brother visited us for Easter which we spent with them and the Walzes. Isaiah had a wonderful time with his family despite the fact that he was teething and going through a short phase in which he was afraid of random objects like balloons. He loved being the center of attention and getting Easter presents.

Isaiah's most recent phase has been a little preview of tantrums. He gets frustrated because I don't let him run into the street or eat a penny, and he begins to cry and kick his legs. He gets over the "mini tantrum" pretty easily, though. All Michael or I have to do is hold him and tell him it's going to be alright and he calms himself down in a minute. Still, it was surprising the first time it happened. I suppose now that he has a little more control over where he can go and what he can do, he's going to run into more places he can't go and things he can't do, which would be frustrating for anyone. I'm just thankful he is so easily calmed.

Say hello to my little friend

Isaiah and I have been having so much fun together these past two weeks. It's amazing to watch him grow up every day, and I'm realizing now that I didn't just give birth to a baby - I gave birth to a little friend. All day we play together and dance together and snuggle together. There are so many things he does that make me laugh, and I'm apparently just as hilarious to him.

In the car, I will turn on the alternative radio station and bob my head to the music. Then, when I take a peek in the rear view mirror, Isaiah will be bobbing his head to the music too. I can't express how cute it is to see a little baby rocking out to 'Beck' or 'Nine Inch Nails.' At home, Isaiah will play games with me for hours, covering up his head with a blanket and popping out when I say "boo," or lifting his arms up high when I ask, "How big is Isaiah?" He will toddle across the room and bring me toys he thinks I might like, such as a fuzzy giraffe or a book about sea creatures. Sometimes, he is even content to sit next to me and 'read' all by himself while I read a few chapters of my own book. (It's really adorable to watch him turn the pages of a book while he babbles to himself, so I often just end up watching him read instead of reading myself.)

Shortly after Isaiah was born, my aunt told me that every day is more fun than the last. I thought that was a very sweet and sentimental thing to say, but I took it with a grain of salt because it seemed impossible. Honest to goodness, though, it's true. It is so much fun to watch him walk around, becoming more sure of himself with every step. It's incredibly fun to feed him the same grown-up food Michael and I eat instead of pureed versions. It's fun to watch him imitate Michael and me, and it's immensely satisfying to watch him grow into his own personality. Every day makes me excited for the next one to come.

So far away, yet so close

This week, Isaiah has become more independent of me in so many ways. Thankfully, though, he still lets me snuggle with him most of the time when I need it. Sometimes he even initiates the cuddle time, which makes me so happy my heart grows three sizes.

Isaiah has been practicing his walking and babbling and independent playing. Our days have become pretty routine with an early morning trip to the bathroom where Isaiah sits on the toilet while I sing to him or play with his toes or read him books. Then we go into the living room where Isaiah chooses which games he wants to play and I act as a human barrier closing off the dining room and kitchen. Ironically, the game he usually wants to play is "Do everything humanly possible to get into the dining room and kitchen." He has other toys he likes to play with too, though, and recently, he has been very happy playing with them all by himself. I have found myself just sitting on the sidelines watching him play with blocks, or push his truck, or even sit down with a book and turn the pages on his own. He still loves it when I play with him, but he doesn't need it as much anymore. It's actually very fun to sit back and watch him explore his toys. I feel like I can see his brain developing every day.

I remember being able to walk around the house with little baby Isaiah in a sling and just hold him close to me all day long. I read entire novels in a day because Isaiah slept in my arms or laid still and stared up at me. Now, though, if I hold him for more than a minute, he squirms to get down so he can walk around and play. He wants to move all the time, and he's just a playful, active little ball of energy. It's so much fun to be his mom, and when I miss being able to hold him for hours on end, he gives me a little taste of it once again. When I sit close to him as he plays, he will lean up against my stomach, rest his head in my lap, or wrap his arms around my legs. And when he's shy, nervous or tired, he will hold on to me tightly and bury his head in my neck. I can only hope that as much as he grows up in the years to come, he will reserve a little part of himself to be my baby.

Happy Birthday

Isaiah's birthday party has come and gone, and it was a ton of fun. Sure, we happened to have it on the coldest day of the entire year, but it was all warm and fuzzy in our home. Awwww!

We had only done a small celebration on the night of his actual birthday with chocolate cupcakes. (I got the messiest cupcakes I could find and just let Isaiah go wild.) Then for his birthday party we did an actual cake for everyone to share. We decided to keep the party fairly small since Isaiah wouldn't remember it anyway and too many people might be stressful. (For both Isaiah and me since our living room is tiny.)

Isaiah really seemed to enjoy every bit of it. He of course loved the guests as well as being the center of attention. He thoroughly enjoyed the balloons and the cake, and he really liked opening presents. He had gotten very adept at present-opening over Christmas, so he just ripped right through the paper. I think the small party was just stimulating enough for him without being over-stimulating, and that night he slept like...a baby. Actually, he truly did sleep like a baby because he was teething, so he woke up a few times. I don't know why that phrase is supposed to mean sleeping soundly. Babies wake up in the night, people! The next morning, though, he had tooth number eight to start off his new year. Hooray!

What a difference a year makes...

Today is Isaiah's birthday, and it has been an amazing day. I have been able to watch Isaiah bless people all day long with his beauty, happiness, and innocence. I feel like God has given me a glimpse of the amazing things he will do through Isaiah's life.

We began our day by going to the Mall of America because I wanted to buy Isaiah's some books for his birthday. We got there before the stores opened so I could walk a few laps around and window shop while Isaiah rode in his stroller. After we had walked for a while and the stores began to open, I stopped to sit on a bench and play with Isaiah for a few moments. Soon a young girl came up to me and began to smile at Isaiah. She was shy for only a little while before she began to talk to me and told me she was pregnant herself. She said she was scared because she didn't have a job and she wasn't sure what she was going to do. She said that she didn't have anyone to talk to about how scared she was or about all of the changes going on in her life. Isaiah flirted with her and giggled while she played peek-a-boo with him, and I could see her apprehension changing into excitement. She told me she was also having a boy and that she had always loved children, and I told her I was sure she would be a great mom. I don't think she needed me to tell her that, though, because of the instant bond she had with Isaiah.

Later that day, Isaiah and I were in a waiting room reading some of the new books he had gotten for his birthday. A Somali woman came up to us and began to play with Isaiah. After a while she asked me how old he was and his name. Then she told me she had a daughter who passed away when she was Isaiah's age. I had absolutely no idea what to say, but the woman seemed content to just play with Isaiah, who showed off some of his wobbly walking skills and flashed her quite a few dazzling smiles. She laughed at the thin, sparse hair that stuck up on his head and touched his soft cheeks, and before we left she gave him a quick hug.

I was so touched that my baby could bring so much joy to people who need it in ways that an adult could never do. I feel my own anger, fear, stress, sadness and pettiness melt away when I look at Isaiah on a daily basis, and now I'm lucky enough to know that I can share my most amazing gift with other people in need. There is some kind of ethereal beauty found only in the face of a baby.

Toddling along

Isaiah took his first steps all by himself this week. He had taken single, unaided steps before now, but after he took one, he would slowly sink his butt down until it was safely resting on the floor and then crawl the rest of the way. He had also spent many previous hours walking behind his push-a-truck-thing that my parents got him for Christmas. In fact, we spent one entire afternoon walking up and down the hallway and around in circles in the living room while I pretended to chase him even though I was just holding him p by the back of the overalls. He loves being chased.

But now (as of January 25th) Isaiah walks by himself. He will walk anywhere from three to ten steps at a time, depending on how fun the toy looks that you are tempting him with. Michael and I spent one evening running the poor little guy ragged by standing him up and then holding my cell phone up in the air so he would walk to it. Back and forth and back and forth. Isaiah didn't seem to mind at all because he will do just about anything for my cell phone, plus we cheered and clapped our hands for him every time he walked. The funny thing was, he didn't seem to realize he was walking at all until we were a good ten minutes into the game.

So now that Isaiah toddles, I am wondering if I am supposed to call him a toddler. When is the cut off for being a baby? When he turns one year old? When his car seat can face forward? When he grows some hair? When his mother is ready? I'm pretty sure it's not the last one, because then he probably wouldn't graduate into toddler-hood until his mid-twenties.

We visited the Conservatory yesterday to look at the orchid show they had. For a short while (about three minutes) Isaiah sat in his stroller, but he really wanted to get down and move around. So we let him out and held his hands as he walked up and down the rows of people. He didn't want to stay still for a single minute, so we kind of ended up cutting in line quite a few times, but no one seemed to mind. They were all very polite and commented on what a cute little guy Isaiah was. Isaiah was pretty proud of his walking skills and showed his repletion by shrieking happily at the top of his lungs to everyone who looked at him.

He also made a very cute friend named Robin. She was about three or four, and she came right up and started talking to Isaiah. He was absolutely smitten. He flirted and smiled and giggled at her, and I got a bit of a preview of what my coy little buy will do around girls when he's older. I just have to say - watch out, ladies, because he's good. Robin was absolutely adorable too, and at one point when I said to Isaiah, "Say 'Hi Robin!'" Robin obediently said, "Hi Robin!" Then she looked at me and said, "Hey, his name's not Robin." I tried to explain that I was telling Isaiah to say hi to her, but I completely understand why she got confused. After all, there was no way he was going to actually say hello to her, so I was being the silly one, not her. Thanks Robin!

Flashbacks

This weekend, Michael and I bought party supplies for Isaiah's first birthday. We decided to go with a penguin theme from the movie Happy Feet since Isaiah loves his singing penguin so much. I now have a dilemma, though, because I had already chosen an adorable choo-choo train cake to make, but it really doesn't fit the theme anymore. Anyway, as I faced the reality of Isaiah being nearly one year old, I began to reflect on how much I had changed in the past year. So often, I only look at all of the changes Isaiah has gone, through (and there are a multitude of them) so it was rather shocking to realize how different I am now.

I am much less selfish than I was before Isaiah was born. I am less protective of my time and more willing to give up "me" time for time with Isaiah. Although, this isn't as altruistic as it may seem; there aren't many things I can do with my time more fulfilling or enjoyable than being with my baby. I am still just as protective of my time with my family, and I need some time with just Michael and Isaiah and no one else every day. I am also less concerned about what other people think of me. Honestly, it doesn't really matter if I go out looking like the Wicked Witch of the West because I know Isaiah (and Michael, for that matter) think I am incredibly beautiful, and no bad hair day can change that.

I am, in fact, more confident in quite a few ways. Despite several mistakes and mishaps this past year, I would consider myself a good mother, and if I can accomplish that I can take on quite a lot of what this world has to throw at me. Some days I feel very grown up for having gotten so far, but there are other days when I feel like I'm just a little girl playing house. I'm not sure I can handle all the responsibility of raising a person in this world, and part of me just wants my own mom to come in and take care of it all. But that's a gift Isaiah has given me, too. Because of him, I have come to understand more fully how dependent I am on God. I know there is no way I can do my job without him holding me in his arms. I also have come closer to understanding how much God loves me. Michael and I were talking to one another and agreed that although we love one another deeply, the love we have for our child is different - less selfish perhaps, or more protective. We know that we both love Isaiah in a way he will never be able to return, and we wouldn't expect it of him. Having Isaiah has given me so much. He has allowed me to mature into an adult, and I still get to be a child with him every day.

As long as I can remember, I have assumed I would be a mother and have always wanted to be a mother. Actually being a mother, though, is more wonderful and heartbreaking than I ever would have imagined. I love Isaiah so much it hurts, and this past year with my treasured baby and my beloved husband has been the best year of my life. Thank you, Isaiah, for giving me so much.

Oh, and I solved the problem of the birthday cake - I'll just pretend it's the Polar Express and that I'm a birthday-theme genius for thinking of it. (Hey, if I can't really be a genius, I should at least be able to pretend once in a while.)

I won't go without leaving some updates about Isaiah has been changing. He now goes to sleep at night without nursing. More accurately, I nurse him and then hand him to Michael before he falls asleep. Then Michael rocks Isaiah to sleep and tucks him in. Michael is quite the pro at this, and Isaiah has picked up on it more easily and quickly than either of us thought. Even though it sometimes cuts into Michael's free time at night, I think he likes the trade. He gets to spend more cuddle time with Isaiah, and he enjoys being able to get him to sleep more quickly than I can.

Isaiah has also taken the next step towards walking. My parents gave him a large toy truck he can push and walk behind, and he loves to play with it. One afternoon he walked around in circles in our living room until he literally dropped to his knees in exhaustion. Every time he walks past someone, he flashes a proud little grin that just makes my heart melt.

Finally, Isaiah has really learned the concept of playing games. One game he loves is to be chased down the hallway. He'll start crawling towards the door, and then either Michael with call out "Isaaaaaiahhh!" That's when he knows it's on. He wiggles and crawls and shrieks and laughs as we pound our feet on the ground and catch up to him. If we take too long getting to him and tickling his feet, he will turn around and look at us as if to say, "Hurry up, slowpokes, I'm getting away." Another game he loves to play takes place at the dinner table. He has veggie puffs (sort of like Cheerios) that he enjoys eating, and sometimes he likes to feed one or two to me as well. It's pretty cute because he sticks his entire hand in my mouth to put in the veggie puff, and sometimes gets distracted by my tongue, which he then tries to pull out. The game I'm referring to, though, is when he offers me a veggie puff with a sly look on his face. Then he puts his entire hand inside my mouth but doesn't drop the puff. Then when I'm about to close my mouth, he whips out his hand and eats the veggie puff himself. Then he laughs at me and does it again. As long as we do this game with veggie puffs I'll be fine, but if we start doing it with M&M's, I might get a little cranky. Nevertheless, I love seeing his little mind work as he thinks of his schemes, and I love having a preview of the little rascal I am going to have on my hands.

Nail and Snails and Puppy-dog Tails

We have been spending our week in South Dakota celebrating Christmas with my family, and it has been an incredibly tumultuous trip. We flew out a few days before Christmas, and since it was Isaiah’s first flight, I packed one heck of a carry-on bag. It was filled with food and juice and books and toys and treats and diapers and every other type of baby paraphernalia I could fit in. He slept the entire flight. Whatever, though, I would much rather be over prepared than under prepared.

When we landed, my family got a chance to coo over Isaiah, which was much overdue since we hadn’t seen them in much too long. Then it was a simple drive home, which wasn’t of course simple at all because my college degree wasn’t good enough to figure out the car seat. Finally, though, we got to the house and Isaiah met Sparky the dog. It was love at first sight. Isaiah squealed in delight and stayed up way past his bedtime just playing with the puppy. Sparky was a little afraid of Isaiah at first, but it soon became mutual adoration. Later, I realized that Isaiah and Sparky were destined to become best friends because of all the things they have in common. They are both very cute and sweet, they both love Elmo (Sparky has his own Elmo puppet he sleeps with,) they both move around on four legs, they both love cheese, and they both give very slobbery kisses.

In fact, Sparky and Isaiah became so attached that Sparky designated himself as Isaiah’s bodyguard. Once when I was tickling Isaiah, Sparky became quite concerned that I was hurting him, so he came over and gave me the evil eye. Once I had stopped and Isaiah crawled away, Sparky brought over his own Elmo toy and dropped it at Isaiah’s feet. Now that’s love.

Isaiah had a wonderful Christmas day. He loved opening presents and playing with wrapping paper and being surrounded by fun new toys and people who love him. He got so good at opening gifts, he even tried to open Michael’s. His favorite present was a singing, dancing penguin named Gloria. Every time she sings in her cutesy high-pitched voice, Isaiah breaks out this goofy grin that makes him look like a teenager in love. I wouldn’t be surprised if Isaiah’s first word was “Gloria”

After a while in South Dakota, Isaiah’s sleeping schedule began to suffer, and that combined with a bad cold and the arrival of tooth number seven resulted in some crying boughts. One in particular really bothered me because there was nothing I could do to comfort him, and he cried for almost a half-hour. Finally, Michael got him to fall asleep by cradling him while he walked up and down the stairs. The bouncy movements combined with Michael’s deep, calming voice were exactly what Isaiah needed. It made me so grateful to have such a wonderful husband.

Before we left, Isaiah got his first bad bump on the head. He had a close encounter of the foos-ball-table kind, and he left a big bruise right on his eyebrow. I spent the night trying to put ice on it as I nursed him to sleep, and although the swelling went down quite a bit, it was still a noticeable reminder of what happened, as well as a foreshadowing, I think of all the bumps to come once he starts walking.

I was very sad to leave, since I miss my family so much, but I realized that by the end of the vacation, Isaiah needed his home and routine back. I packed another gigantic carry on bag with even more baby goodies than the one before, and Isaiah slept from take-off to landing.

The first day of Christmas

Isaiah has now had his first taste of Christmas, and I think he likes it. We celebrated Christmas with Michael’s family early because we will be in South Dakota with my family over the 25^th. Isaiah had a wonderful time trying out all of the furniture in Rod and Lesley’s house to see if it was good for standing on, and he even chose one large cardboard box full of ornaments as his favorite to pound on with his little hands. I think he’s going to be a drummer in a rock band when he grows up. He even stops drumming every once in a while to engage in some head bobbing, and screaming.

When it came time for presents, Isaiah seemed pretty happy that I was actually encouraging him to rip paper. I’m not sure if he will then assume that I want him to rip apart all of the paper that he finds, but I’m not too worried because he already does it anyway, so it’s not like we’re regressing. Then, when he realized that there was a toy inside the box he wasn’t even sure which one to choose. Paper or toy…it’s a pretty tough call. He did eventually choose the toy, though, which ended up being wise because I would have simply taken the paper away when he began to eat it. Isaiah loved everything he got, and has been playing with his toys and wearing his cute clothing ever since. I thought it was a perfect Christmas to start off with (we’ll be celebrating three times this year) because it was small and cozy and laid back so he wasn’t stressed out or over stimulated.

After the Christmas celebration, we went to our friends the Goldbergs to celebrate Charlie’s birthday. Isaiah had a wonderful time eating cake and pounding on the piano keys and squealing at the cats and the dog and just generally being the center of attention. He really does enjoy people, and I think it will be so odd to watch him go through stranger anxiety. Right now he will happily go to anyone who looks friendly, flirt with any girl in eyeshot, and entertain a crowd without a second thought. If his personality remains the same at all, he is going to be quite the party animal when he grows up.

Isaiah has also begun to creep along the couches, which he seems to enjoy doing. He doesn’t really seem to have a destination in mind. He just side-steps down the couch one way, and then back up the other way. Sometimes if there is something interesting on the floor, he will squat to touch it, but then it’s back to the main task of pacing.

Barriers are for wussies

Isaiah is becoming an expert stander. He can push himself up to a stand on almost any piece of furniture in the house, or even a toy or box that stands six inches off the ground. He plants his hands on the box, shoots his teeny butt up high in the air, and then slowly raises his torso to an upright position. He doesn't even need to hang on to things for balance much of the time. What a smarty. Now, though, Michael and I need to find yet another way to rearrange our furniture so Isaiah isn't in such danger all the time. The bookcase heavy laden with things ready to topple down, the bed that seems to be way too high off the ground, the last remaining outlets that I haven't covered yet, everything dangerous seems to be calling to Isaiah. One of the smartest things I did when we moved in, though, was to put only baby-friendly things into the cupboards that Isaiah could reach, such as tupperware or pots and pans. All of our cleaning supplies are in the pantry on a shelf I can barely reach. I figure that when Isaiah is taller than I am, he should be mature enough to handle toilet bowl cleaner. Then again, I'm very short, so that may be much sooner that I originally anticipated.

Michael and I have also constructed a crude barrier out of pillows and blankets between the living room and the dining room. Our reasoning is twofold; one, the carpeted living room is softer for falling down upon than the hardwood dining room, and two the Christmas tree is in the dining room. Soon, though, I will ship off many of the tempting packages that are sitting under the tree, and then hopefully it will be less of a draw. Actually, I'm glad he notices and likes the tree so much, because really that's the entire point of it.

I'm not sure how useful the barrier will be soon because Isaiah is beginning to climb right over it. It wouldn't be such a problem except for the fact that once he climbs on top of it, he descends face first into the floor. Poor little guy. Apparently, barriers are going to be more of a yellow light than a red light for Isaiah. I guess it's good that I'm learning this early on.

Oh, and for anyone who worried, Isaiah's swollen, purple gum around his tooth healed just fine. Michael and I were very careful not to let Isaiah bump his mouth on anything, since he probably didn't realize his gums would be extra tender, and then one morning, the painful looking lump was gone and we could see a sliver of tooth coming through.

Giving Thanks for my baby

Isaiah has finally become aware of the Christmas tree that has been up since before Thanksgiving. He didn't care much about it for the first week, but then I put lots of shiny, wrapped presents underneath and let him touch some of the delicate ornaments. Now, my entire day is wrapped up in keeping Isaiah from eating gifts or pulling the tree onto himself. I'm so glad he loves it. I am already getting excited for Christmas and all the traditions we will have as a family. I am singing Christmas songs to Isaiah every day and dressing him up as a Santa baby, and even donning the Santa hat myself so he can pull it off and put the puff-ball in his mouth. We have read the story of Jesus being born at bedtime every night, and I'm thinking about baking a birthday cake for Jesus later in the month. Part of me feels a little silly for doing so much this Christmas even though Isaiah won't have any memories of it when he's older. My hope though, as he looks at the bright sparkling Christmas tree, is that he will grow up with the feeling that this world is beautiful and magical, and that he is loved very much.

Thanksgiving went extremely well, which was a surprise since Isaiah woke up early that morning with a fever. We were very worried because he usually doesn't sleep well when he's around lots of people. He's too interested in being a part of the action. We celebrated with Michael's family and got to visit with so many people we haven't seen in quite a while. Isaiah was passed around and got plenty of 'oohs' and 'aahs' from everyone. He got to see a few cats up close and he read lots of books. As predicted, he didn't sleep, and we paid for it on the drive home. We had a two and a half hour drive, and Isaiah cried for much of it. He still had a fever, hadn't had his regular naps, was stressed out, and didn't nurse well all day, so we pretty much expected the crying. Still, it was a terrible experience to have him in the car seat crying inconsolably. I feel so bad for mothers why have to undergo that ordeal on a regular basis, because it makes you feel so helpless and horrible. I knew what he really wanted was to be held, but we had already stopped twice, and we had two extra passengers, so we felt like we just had to keep going. Finally, though, he cried himself to sleep in the car, and when we finally arrived at home, Michael and I snuggled with him all night long. By the next morning, he was as right as rain. The next day Laura and I went to to hit some sales, and I bought him an adorable little Christmas outfit. That night he modeled it for some girls I had over and they were all properly smitten.

Isaiah has worked up to the next step of cleaning my floors. Before, he just crawled around and tried to eat every little speck of food or dirt in the carpet (which he still does) but now he also like to use my Swiffer carpet sweeper. He's fascinated with pushing it around and watching me push it around. He chews on the handle and bounces it off the floor. It makes me wonder if I'm going to have one of those helpful little toddlers who wants to do chores with me to be sweet, but in reality it takes five times as long when he's helping, but I always say yes anyway because it's so beautiful to watch him.

Isaiah attended his first party today. Our little friend Collin had his first birthday party today, and it was a ton of fun. Michael and I were a little worried about Isaiah on the way there because he hadn't taken a morning nap and we didn't know how long he would last. In the car his eyes looked drowsy and he was a little crabby. Once we got there, though, his eyes popped open wide and he was just a little party animal. It figures. After all several of his favorite things were at this particular party: people, balloons, other babies, more people, and people. He even got to eat a little cake with frosting. I have a feeling his vegetable dinner tonight just isn't going to taste quite as good. At the party I realized that Isaiah's first birthday is only two months away. Everything has rushed by so quickly, and I feel that I am being left in the dust. Every milestone is something I am so excited for and yet still dread just a little because I feel I'm not ready. Isaiah, I'm so proud of you for growing up, but must you do it so quickly?

He is getting his sixth tooth in right now, and this morning Michael and I noticed that his gum is swollen and bruised looking right where the tooth is coming in. It looks so incredibly painful, and light it might just start bleeding at any moment, but Isaiah is as content as ever. Every time he smiles his sweet little smile, though, all is see is a big purple lump. Poor baby. Hopefully, though, his tooth will come through quickly and his gum will recover.

Isaiah Robot

My secret plan that I have had ever since Michael and I started dating is now coming to fruition. I absolutely love cats, and I have always wanted to own a cat as an adult, maybe even two. Michael, however, is allergic to cats and consequently doesn't care for them that much. Despite all of my many schemes and different ways of pleading he has yet to concede and buy a cat for me, so I have been counting on my future children to help out. My secret plan is that they will all love cats as much as I do, and with the group of us begging and giving Michael puppydog-eye looks, he will give in and get a cat. Luckily for me, I didn't even have to train Isaiah to like cats, he inherited my love for them right from the get go. Our friends, the Goldbergs, have two cats Isaiah has interacted with a few times. He is fascinated by their whiskers, their tails, their eyes, everything. Those cats are so patient with him, too. One of them even docilely laid down next to Isaiah while Isaiah pulled on his fur. Then, on Sesame Street, Elmo did a little special on cats. Isaiah grinned the whole time and squealed at the T.V. He waved his arms and kicked his legs, and made me such a happy mom. Look out Michael, you're outnumbered!

A small part of me has wanted that irobot Roomba for quite a while. It's the tiny vacuum cleaner that scoots around on its own and vacuums without you having to lift a finger. Isaiah must have sensed my desire for one of these because he has become my own little Roomba. He crawls around on the carpet and diligently finds every tiny piece of lint or spilled popcorn or dirt and picks them up for me. Unfortunately, he then eats whatever he finds, so I find myself slowly crawling after him much of the day, constantly picking tiny pieces of garbage out of his fingers before he can get them into his mouth. I don't even get much respite if I vacuum more often and have dirt-free carpets, because Isaiah has learned to pick out actual pieces of the carpet and pop them into his mouth when I'm not looking.

Isaiah is now an expert at pulling himself up on furniture and standing. He doesn't even need a piece of furniture every time. He will sometimes just put his hands on the floor and then straighten his legs out until his tiny little bottom is sticking up high in the air. Then he slowly moves his hands closer to his body until he can get to the point where he pulls up with his upper body into a standing position. Then he immediately falls because he had no balance. Still, it's pretty impressive to watch. His favorite thing to use as a standing support is an upside down laundry basket, but he can also easily use a dining room chair I have covered in padding and blankets, or the couch, or even my leg. The cutest thing is that when he stands up, he nods his head up and down like a little rockstar. It's wonderful to see how proud he is of himself. Yesterday, he even stood for a few seconds without support by the powers of his own balance. His downfall was when he decided to wildly wave his arms back and forth just for the fun of it.

I have discovered that Isaiah is now fascinated with little spaces. Most kids are, but I didn't realize it began this early. He loves to be in little caves that I make out of blankets, or under and upside-down laundry basket. His goal for the past few days has been to fit himself under the couch. Unfortunately, he can't even fit his head under the couch, but he keeps trying. He's certain there is a wondrous, magical world under there, so he's not giving up. The other day I made a little blanket cave for him on his bed right before nap time. We read stories under the blankets, and I pretended to not be able to find him until he shouted out to me. It was a blast. It got me excited for future blanket forts in the living room and games of hide-and-go-seek. Sometimes I forget that I don't just have a baby - I have a fun little boy waiting to grow up and share years of play with me.

Michael and I are trying to get Isaiah to go to sleep in new and exciting ways. Mainly, not nursing to sleep. I don't really mind nursing him to sleep 90% of the time. But it would be nice to have another option once in a while. Also, it would be nice for Michael to experience Isaiah falling asleep for him. So, a few evenings when Isaiah was very, very tired, Michael put on the sling and walked around with Isaiah in the dark listening to Baby Einstein Lullaby Classics. The first time he tried it, Isaiah fell asleep in his arms like a little angel, but we haven't had the same success again. I know it takes a lot of work and consistency, but I also know how frustrating and sad it must be for Michael to hold the baby he loves so much and listen to him cry because he just wants to nurse to sleep. I'm so thankful for how involved Michael is with Isaiah, though. Right now I can hear him upstairs singing in a ridiculous falsetto voice to Isaiah, and he's been giving Isaiah baths almost exclusively lately. He's so good at playing with his son and comforting him and feeding him and giving me a good, long break when I've had a rough day. The other night, while he was squirting Isaiah in the bathtub with his rubber ducky, Michael said he couldn't understand why some fathers wouldn't want to be involved in their kids' lives. "I mean, don't get me wrong, you're a lot of work, buddy," he said to Isaiah, "but what else could I spend my time on that's as good as you?"

Milk please

Isaiah can talk! No really - he can say something in sign language, and I'll give you one guess as to what it is. It's his absolute favorite thing in the world - milk. He signs "milk" so expertly, opening and closing his fist just like milking a cow. I've learned some very important things from Isaiah just through his ability to say this single word. Namely, I've learned that Isaiah thinks about milk more than I had ever imagined. One afternoon Isaiah was napping when I heard him stir on the baby monitor, so I hurried into the room to get there before he woke up completely. Before he even opened his eyes or began to call out to let me know he was awake, his little chubby fist shot up into the air, and he began to sign "milk." He also signs "milk" while he is drinking milk, when he wants to be drinking milk, when he has finished drinking milk, when milk is on his mind, when he is happy which reminds him of drinking milk, and when he thinks milk might be a good conversation starter with a stranger.

I also thought Isaiah had signed "potty" the other night. I was trying and trying to get him to sleep, but he wouldn't submit. Suddenly, he sat right up in bed and started patting his diaper, our sign for "potty." At first, I was bewildered as to what he was doing, but then I realized it was the potty sign and excitedly took him into the bathroom. As soon as he sat down on the toilet seat, he started crying angrily at me (I guess it was pretty cold compared the his warm pajamas) and looked at me as if to say, "Mom - why would you bring me into the cold bathroom and sit me on this cold toilet for no good reason." Apparently, he was just signing "I'm awake, Mommy, and there's no way you can make me go to sleep." I guess I didn't realize that looked remarkably like the sign for "potty."

Isaiah also says a few verbal words, such as "hi" and "dada" even a "mama" once in a while. I like to pretend he knows what he is saying even though it's pretty apparently he doesn't. He often impresses strangers by saying "hi," though. "Hi!" Isaiah will brightly say to ladies at the supermarket. "Well hello," they reply, waving their fingers in response. "Milk!" Isaiah signs back at them. This makes Isaiah look exceptionally smart and me a very impressive looking mom, so I don't tell them he is talking about milk and not waving. I just let them be impressed.

Even though Isaiah usually doesn't say "dada" in Daddy related contexts, he definitely knows why Michael is. When Michael gets home from work and I hear the back door opening. I get Isaiah ready by standing on the couch so we can see Michael the first second he comes into the living room. Then, when he pops his head in the doorway, Isaiah shrieks in delight, waves his arms, and jumps up and down while smiling and laughing. There is no better way to elevate your self esteem than seeing the pure joy from you baby at seeing you.

Speaking of Michael's job, he just accepted a great new job as a full time designer with a company he loves. We went out Friday night to Olive Garden to celebrate the good news. Isaiah was very well behaved and spent much of the evening turning many waitresses into puddles of baby love. He got so much attention in the restaurant, I was very thankful he is too young to let it go to his head. We were seated near a table of ladies who watched him all night, and another couple came over to tell us how adorable he is. I have to say, he did look pretty cute that night. I had packed baby food for him, which he enjoyed, but the waitress also brought a plate of fettuccine without any sauce for him to play with and nibble on. Let me tell you, Isaiah with a piece of fettuccine hanging out of his mouth is a sight worth seeing.

Isaiah has begun pulling himself up to a stand on pieces of furniture. It's so exciting and nerve wracking to watch him use all the strength in his pudgy arms and shaky legs to wobbly stand, knowing that he has a better chance of falling than balancing, and to nervously watch his tender head bob dangerously close to sharp corners of chairs and tables. I hold my breath every time he tries, ready to run up to him in case his smacks his chin on the chair leg or plops too hard onto the hardwood floors. When he actually makes it, though, and stands on his own. He is so proud of himself, and he lights up because he knows he has just accomplished something very neat. He usually wiggles so much in delight that he falls right down again, but it's a good start.

As we sat in Olive Garden, I noticed a few older women who I'm sure were mothers, and possibly even grandmothers looking at Isaiah and at me. The look on their faces was one I have seen so many times since Isaiah was born. Enjoy it. They silently tell me. Enjoy every moment with your baby. So often I have been told that "it just flies by," "they grow up too fast," and "it seems like yesterday." It's easy to let each new admonishment to enjoy the present slip by as a cliche. But I know already that he has grown so quickly, and while I enjoy every new day, I miss yesterday. I want to cut out all of the unnecessary busy work in my life, and all of the buzzing distractions so I can slow down and concentrate on my baby. Everything he does is so amazing, every green speck in his blue eyes is so dazzling, every step he takes away from me is so exciting and heartbreaking, and so I try to enjoy every moment. I know I will one day be one of those older mothers, and hopefully even an older grandmother, telling new moms to enjoy it.

Isaiah woke up with a cold in the middle of the night Friday night/Saturday morning around 4 a.m. At first, I didn't understand why he insisted on nursing at that time of night and why he wouldn't be consoled, and I was rather frustrated at being awakened at such an awful time. As soon as I heard his sniffles and choked breathing, though, I felt terrible for even being frustrated. We walked around the house a while until the mucus was bounced out of his throat, then I nursed him while sitting up in bed so his could sleep in an upright position. That seemed to help a lot. The next day, he was very pleasant even though I know he didn't feel good at all. He's such a good sport when he's sick. He makes me look like a cry baby in comparison. How did such a tough and mellow baby come from me? I'm pretty blessed.

Elmo Slippers

Isaiah has needed a little more mommy time this past week or two. I don't know if it's because of a new tooth coming in or because he is just going through a separation anxiety stage. However, when, in the past I have been able to set him down for a while to play while I clean, he doesn't really like that anymore. He has made it perfectly clear that he wants to be held by me, played with by me, touched and tickled by me, and completely focused on by me. Is this draining? Nope. Truthfully, it's been great. I love spending all day with my sweet little guy and knowing that I can be there when he needs me. This is why I stay home with him - not so I can have clean blinds or an organized shoe closet, but so I can hug him all day long and crawl around with him and let him know that I am there to take care of him and keep him safe. I am so grateful every time he lets me know he needs me, because I need him right back.

Isaiah has begun to really like rice cakes. He also has apparently decided that I would like to eat rice cakes with him. Unfortunately, I don't really care for soggy rice cakes and someone else has slobbered on. But since he offered so sweetly, I thought I should at least feign interest. So, I nibbled on his sticky little fingers and smacked my lips and said "mmm, mmm." He wasn't fooled, though, and continued to try and give me more rice cake. Finally, after he realized I wasn't going to take his rice cake the easy way, he pulled open the top of my shirt and dropped the rice cake inside. Problem solved. Except, of course, for the chunk of soggy rice cake in my shirt.

I read the blog of another mom of a baby whom I have never met. I really enjoy hearing about how her little girl is growing up and the challenges and joys she faces. It struck me yesterday that we have so little in common. She lives down in California, is around ten years older than I, seems to have very different political and religious beliefs, and of course she is a complete stranger. Yet, we both love our children so dearly, and we have both experienced the heightened fragility and deep emotions of motherhood. So, despite our differences, I feel very close to this woman so far away, and in turn I feel a strange closeness to all mothers I see around me. If I see a woman in the grocery store with a baby in her cart, although I know nothing about her, it's a good bet she feels the same ineffable love for her child that I feel for mine. It's also wonderful to remember that my mother (and father) felt this love for me and that Michael's parents felt this love for him.

One last note: Isaiah falls more and more in love with Elmo every day. We bought him Elmo slippers, and he is so happy when he wears them. He pats Elmo's nose, pulls on his fur, taps his big, plastic eyes, and constantly turns around when he's crawling to make sure Elmo is following. Sure enough, Elmo is always right behind Isaiah.